Thursday, 17 September 2009

Life's a-changing

Frustrated…..

Yeah that’s me in a nutshell. For some inexplicable reason I seem to have landed myself in the same position I was in last year this time, and it really sucks. The temptation to go into social hibernation is great but very vivid image of me being a batty old cow having in depth conversations with Alfred (my pot plant) scares me a little.

Oh well guess I need to stop ‘the woe is me attitude’ and grasp change with both hands. You see although it seem like groundhog day on the surface quite a bit has happened in the past few months which is why I ditched writing altogether for a while.

An emotional rollercoaster is the best way to describe the surrealism that was my life until recently. Firstly I make a rookie mistake in my love life. I fell for a guy that, excuse the cliché, just wasn’t that into me. It took a lot of courage for me to let him into my life in the first place and then to own up to my feelings – his response “Not the right time”.

Ouch dude! I toyed with the idea of the “let’s be friends” scenario but screw it. I need to move on with my life, preferably not with my past ghosts still haunting me. Pretending that I don’t still care for him will eat me up inside and I need BIG changes to happen now – I have had a few too many heartaches recently.

You see unfortunately during this drama that was almost a relationship, I also lost 1 grandmother – as in she is now dancing with the angels and not stranded in a shopping mall somewhere; and the other nearly passed on too. The icing on the cake was my dear sister immigrating to the other side of the world making me feel like a lost little orphan. It’s the first time in my life that I have felt truly alone.

But as a child of the sun, I can never stay in a dark place for very long so I am summoning up all my strength and focussing on the future. I am finally leaving the grey shores of England for a warmer climate and I intend being the creative soul that I am. I want to start dancing again; writing again; doing photography; sketching; learning a foreign language; having adventures and maybe even falling in love.

My heart may still feel a bit tender but it will heal with time. Life is for the living and I intend living it to the fullest.

3 comments:

BazL said...

So where to now little sis? Why not come to CT where we can look after you a bit?xx

Terri said...

I'll tell you a secret; the one who emigrated also feels a bit orphaned ;-)
Do yourself a favour and re-read this post over and over again and let it remind you what you're going to do. Dance. Write. Photograph. Sketch. Adventure. Go somewhere sunny (CT & Oz are both options but whatever ;-) ). And let yourself fall in love.
Never mind what the sceptics say :-o

Tony said...

be the creative soal that byour heart desires... dance, write photograph scetch... do all the really great soal enhancing things that need to be done... and do it in the knowledge that out there friends and family love and care for you...

{{HUGS))

T
;o)
xxx