Yeah that’s me in a nutshell. For some inexplicable reason I seem to have landed myself in the same position I was in last year this time, and it really sucks. The temptation to go into social hibernation is great but very vivid image of me being a batty old cow having in depth conversations with Alfred (my pot plant) scares me a little.
Oh well guess I need to stop ‘the woe is me attitude’ and grasp change with both hands. You see although it seem like groundhog day on the surface quite a bit has happened in the past few months which is why I ditched writing altogether for a while.
An emotional rollercoaster is the best way to describe the surrealism that was my life until recently. Firstly I make a rookie mistake in my love life. I fell for a guy that, excuse the cliché, just wasn’t that into me. It took a lot of courage for me to let him into my life in the first place and then to own up to my feelings – his response “Not the right time”.
Ouch dude! I toyed with the idea of the “let’s be friends” scenario but screw it. I need to move on with my life, preferably not with my past ghosts still haunting me. Pretending that I don’t still care for him will eat me up inside and I need BIG changes to happen now – I have had a few too many heartaches recently.
You see unfortunately during this drama that was almost a relationship, I also lost 1 grandmother – as in she is now dancing with the angels and not stranded in a shopping mall somewhere; and the other nearly passed on too. The icing on the cake was my dear sister immigrating to the other side of the world making me feel like a lost little orphan. It’s the first time in my life that I have felt truly alone.
But as a child of the sun, I can never stay in a dark place for very long so I am summoning up all my strength and focussing on the future. I am finally leaving the grey shores of England for a warmer climate and I intend being the creative soul that I am. I want to start dancing again; writing again; doing photography; sketching; learning a foreign language; having adventures and maybe even falling in love.
My heart may still feel a bit tender but it will heal with time. Life is for the living and I intend living it to the fullest.