Yippee, only 4 days to sunshine and proper summer weather!!
I can barely contain my excitement - I can't wait to throw on my swimsuit and feel the sun rays embrace my ghostly skin. Like a giant generate, the sun will recharge my batteries and I will have an abundance of energy again. Oh and I get to see my family and friends again - it is going to be a fabulous Christmas.
Like most people at this time of year, I've been doing a lot of reflecting on 2008 and I must say it certainly has been a year to remember. So much of my life has changed and I am really enjoying riding the waves of an unpredictable life. Monotony and stability just doesn't work for me - as a teenager I swore I would never become a grey suit and yet that is just what happened.
The saying "and then I grew up" rang true for me and instead of fighting the norm, I accepted it and slowly saw the real me disappear. Even though I was disgruntled with the way life was going, I continued to wear the grey suit to avoid conflicts and disapproval, until my soul was screaming so loud that I had to break free. I decided then and there to take charge of my destiny and all I can say is Wow. It is amazing how fast change can happen when you accept it into your life.
As I look back on the year I can honestly say I wouldn't change a thing. While it is true that perhaps I could have been a little more sensitive to others when I caused upheavals and I do still feel a bit bad about it, however the decisions were right. I am on a different path now and that excites me.
I've encountered many people who look at me in amazement when I tell them that change is possible and that it is up to each and every one of us to decide on a path. The rebuttles are all the same and quite frankly not valid. They are merely excuses born out of fear. I truly believe that we would not have been given the gift of dreaming if we weren't meant to fulfil our dreams.
My mantra for the new year is "dream it; believe in it; live it" - my only wish is that others too may start believing in themselves again and start seeing the possibilities of life before old age sweeps in. Life is so much more fun when you are living your dreams.
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
Saturday, 8 November 2008
Life in the sun
Hola todos!
Well I am absolutely loving Spain - work is good and totally relaxed. I don't think I have ever laughed so much on a project before and the biggest bonus is that I get to wear casual clothes to work ....yippee!!! For the first time in many years I am enjoying IT but I do think this can largely be attributed to the eclectic group of people I am working with. We are all from different corners of the world so it is facinating chatting to everyone about their countries and cultures. The one little issue is not being able to speak Spanish, most of the locals don't understand English so conversations are very limited. If I was there for longer I would definitely try to learn the language.
Working there has made me realise that there is really nothing left for me in the UK. Every morning when I draw back the curtains of my window I am greeted by a spectacular sunrise over the mountains, it is so peaceful, so beautiful - I just have to smile to myself. I can't think of a better way to start a day. It is so sunny and warm during the day that I don't even need to put on a coat or a jacket when I stand outside - such bliss! Coming back to the UK over the weekends is such a pain. My mood is as grey as the weather, I can't stand the noise, the dirty streets and the fast pace of London. Spain is way better than this crappy country. Hmmm... so do I move to Spain or Italy early next year- difficult decision.
Once this contract is finished I have to start making definite plans for the big move, I've wasted too much time just contemplating it. My excuses are no longer valid - I want a better life and I know I can get it in Spain or Italy. The great thing is that my writing is coming on and I am getting a lot more work in. It is so cool having a portable job.
OK so just a few more weeks in IT, then it is homeward bound for Christmas and in the new year I leave the UK for good and start writing full time. Life is going to be good - it'll be nice to start afresh, especially since it will be in the sun.
Well I am absolutely loving Spain - work is good and totally relaxed. I don't think I have ever laughed so much on a project before and the biggest bonus is that I get to wear casual clothes to work ....yippee!!! For the first time in many years I am enjoying IT but I do think this can largely be attributed to the eclectic group of people I am working with. We are all from different corners of the world so it is facinating chatting to everyone about their countries and cultures. The one little issue is not being able to speak Spanish, most of the locals don't understand English so conversations are very limited. If I was there for longer I would definitely try to learn the language.
Working there has made me realise that there is really nothing left for me in the UK. Every morning when I draw back the curtains of my window I am greeted by a spectacular sunrise over the mountains, it is so peaceful, so beautiful - I just have to smile to myself. I can't think of a better way to start a day. It is so sunny and warm during the day that I don't even need to put on a coat or a jacket when I stand outside - such bliss! Coming back to the UK over the weekends is such a pain. My mood is as grey as the weather, I can't stand the noise, the dirty streets and the fast pace of London. Spain is way better than this crappy country. Hmmm... so do I move to Spain or Italy early next year- difficult decision.
Once this contract is finished I have to start making definite plans for the big move, I've wasted too much time just contemplating it. My excuses are no longer valid - I want a better life and I know I can get it in Spain or Italy. The great thing is that my writing is coming on and I am getting a lot more work in. It is so cool having a portable job.
OK so just a few more weeks in IT, then it is homeward bound for Christmas and in the new year I leave the UK for good and start writing full time. Life is going to be good - it'll be nice to start afresh, especially since it will be in the sun.
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
No clear path
Right now I am supposed to be writing an article about how food can help improve concentration and umm...I can't seem to get focussed. Just a tad ironic don't you think?
I actually have a good excuse though - I've done something that goes against my core being. I temporarily lost faith in my abilities and sold out to the highest bidder. This is starting to sound like I did something totally tragic but logically it was probably the right thing to do. You see I've accepted a one month contract back in the IT world and my heart is breaking. I do know that it is the responsible thing to do though. Yeah the money will be good and it isn't exactly what I used to do but it is still not who I am right now.
Positive thoughts....OK so I will be paid well and be able to live quite comfortably for a while and maybe even take a long overdue trip to SA. It is an easy post and I will be able to keep my head down, do the job and then leave. But as is typical in my life, I've just had to turn down more writing work and that does not please me in the least. The upshot is that I can be more selective about the writing gigs I accept in the near future and ensure that I only write articles about things I am passionate or at least interested in. BUT yuck IT again!!
In a sense I feel like a failure for going back to the old lifestyle but I know in my heart it isn't true. I have achieved a lot in the past few months and the only reason for this little diversion is money. I just wonder when I will be able to erase IT from my memory for good. Hopefully 2009 will be an IT free year.
Enough ranting, best I get back to...oh yeah the article on improving concentration.
I actually have a good excuse though - I've done something that goes against my core being. I temporarily lost faith in my abilities and sold out to the highest bidder. This is starting to sound like I did something totally tragic but logically it was probably the right thing to do. You see I've accepted a one month contract back in the IT world and my heart is breaking. I do know that it is the responsible thing to do though. Yeah the money will be good and it isn't exactly what I used to do but it is still not who I am right now.
Positive thoughts....OK so I will be paid well and be able to live quite comfortably for a while and maybe even take a long overdue trip to SA. It is an easy post and I will be able to keep my head down, do the job and then leave. But as is typical in my life, I've just had to turn down more writing work and that does not please me in the least. The upshot is that I can be more selective about the writing gigs I accept in the near future and ensure that I only write articles about things I am passionate or at least interested in. BUT yuck IT again!!
In a sense I feel like a failure for going back to the old lifestyle but I know in my heart it isn't true. I have achieved a lot in the past few months and the only reason for this little diversion is money. I just wonder when I will be able to erase IT from my memory for good. Hopefully 2009 will be an IT free year.
Enough ranting, best I get back to...oh yeah the article on improving concentration.
Saturday, 11 October 2008
A lost African
Well this is going to be a quick blog as I am heading out in a few moments but I just wanted to lament for a bit.
Just shy of a year ago, I was busy packing my bags for a trip of a lifetime into the depths of Africa to visit our nearest relatives, the gorillas. Filled with much trepidation, I was glad for the company of my mate. Honestly I don't think I would have done it without the arm-twisting of my friend.
It did turn out to be a trip of a lifetime, one that made me fall in love with Africa all over again - and subsequently I have been floating around the UK like a lost fart in a perfume factory ever since.
Much has changed in my life since then, with steely determination I am trying to make a go of freelance journalism and am trying to live according to my soul's desires. It isn't easy and at times I feel like throwing in the towel and returning to the stomach-churning world of IT but God-willing I will make my dreams come true. Things are looking up now, so hold thumbs this brief rocky period will soon be over.
Now for the lament...Africa. I miss it intensely but am not sure if I can go back there permanently. Having lived in the UK for so many years, can I still call myself African? People that have never lived abroad may not understand but as I sit here today I am kinda without nationality. I am neither African nor a Brit. Africa changed and so have I. When I speak to people still living in SA, I see this wide gap between their ways and my own. In order to survive in the UK I adapted my ways. I will never be a Brit but there are elements of me that are more Brit then SA. So where do I belong, where do I fit in this global blueprint?
I keep telling myself it is time to move on, maybe Italy. The truth is what I hunt will not be found in Europe or Australia. Africa holds my heart - like a possessive lover, it refuses to let go. I can hear the words "Go home" gently carried across the wind but I am fearful of returning and no longer belonging there.
There are no easy answers to these questions. For now this little lost African will continue to mimic the British ways and hope that one day the spirit Gods will lead me to the place that is home, wherever that may be.
Just shy of a year ago, I was busy packing my bags for a trip of a lifetime into the depths of Africa to visit our nearest relatives, the gorillas. Filled with much trepidation, I was glad for the company of my mate. Honestly I don't think I would have done it without the arm-twisting of my friend.
It did turn out to be a trip of a lifetime, one that made me fall in love with Africa all over again - and subsequently I have been floating around the UK like a lost fart in a perfume factory ever since.
Much has changed in my life since then, with steely determination I am trying to make a go of freelance journalism and am trying to live according to my soul's desires. It isn't easy and at times I feel like throwing in the towel and returning to the stomach-churning world of IT but God-willing I will make my dreams come true. Things are looking up now, so hold thumbs this brief rocky period will soon be over.
Now for the lament...Africa. I miss it intensely but am not sure if I can go back there permanently. Having lived in the UK for so many years, can I still call myself African? People that have never lived abroad may not understand but as I sit here today I am kinda without nationality. I am neither African nor a Brit. Africa changed and so have I. When I speak to people still living in SA, I see this wide gap between their ways and my own. In order to survive in the UK I adapted my ways. I will never be a Brit but there are elements of me that are more Brit then SA. So where do I belong, where do I fit in this global blueprint?
I keep telling myself it is time to move on, maybe Italy. The truth is what I hunt will not be found in Europe or Australia. Africa holds my heart - like a possessive lover, it refuses to let go. I can hear the words "Go home" gently carried across the wind but I am fearful of returning and no longer belonging there.
There are no easy answers to these questions. For now this little lost African will continue to mimic the British ways and hope that one day the spirit Gods will lead me to the place that is home, wherever that may be.
Friday, 3 October 2008
Winter has arrived
Yeah folks - winter has finally arrived. Gone is the sun that held me in its warm embrace when I was in mainland Europe a few months back.....it isn't fair!!!!!!
So it brings up the familiar old song again, what the hell am I doing living in this country? If anyone has a magic wand, please wave it in my direction and send to a warm, picturesque place - preferably one where the dreaded "R", as in recession, is never mentioned.
Seriously the press over here is obsessed with the recession and are driving us into one. Sure the banks have screwed up by taking risks that any sensible human being wouldn't dare touch but if the media wasn't constantly probing around in their affairs; I am sure they would rectify the situation - hint: look to how Africa does business, loopholes are always being exploited there.
Anyway a levelling out was inevitable after a decade of a bull market. Like tectonic plates under pressure, an earthquake is needed to release the superfluous energy and get things back to normal. This is pretty much what is happening in the financial markets right now. We couldn't have kept going with rocketing house prices; and personal and business liability exceeding capital ownership. We were living in a dreamworld.
Of course now the scaremongers among us would have us believe that it is all doom and gloom. As they say if you hear something often enough, you soon start to believe it is true. This is what is happening now. The media keeps telling we are heading towards a recession and like a self-fulfilling prophesy we now are.
If only people would stop listening to the noise and continue to live as normal. Yeah pull in the financial belt a bit and be more sensible with your money (even in optimistic times this is a wise move) but a full clamp down will only exacerbate the situation. This of course is more true for businesses than the man on the street. The world revolves on money - put simply businesses need to make money in order to maintain their staff levels; invest money and of course prop up the banks with financial trading. When the spend stops; companies fold, people lose their jobs and the domino effect happens.
The morale of the story: Well, live a financially responsible life but don't let the economic winter rule your life. Summer will roll around again soon enough, once the markets have stabilised. It may be a bit of a rough ride for now but think about it this way, what it is doing is making us all think about the way we spend our money - this cannot be a bad thing.
Now if only we could be guaranteed of a proper summer in the UK next year, with warm weather and sunshine - it might actually make me reconsider moving from this country but unlike the financial market where we will eventually see summer again; it does seem improbable.
So it brings up the familiar old song again, what the hell am I doing living in this country? If anyone has a magic wand, please wave it in my direction and send to a warm, picturesque place - preferably one where the dreaded "R", as in recession, is never mentioned.
Seriously the press over here is obsessed with the recession and are driving us into one. Sure the banks have screwed up by taking risks that any sensible human being wouldn't dare touch but if the media wasn't constantly probing around in their affairs; I am sure they would rectify the situation - hint: look to how Africa does business, loopholes are always being exploited there.
Anyway a levelling out was inevitable after a decade of a bull market. Like tectonic plates under pressure, an earthquake is needed to release the superfluous energy and get things back to normal. This is pretty much what is happening in the financial markets right now. We couldn't have kept going with rocketing house prices; and personal and business liability exceeding capital ownership. We were living in a dreamworld.
Of course now the scaremongers among us would have us believe that it is all doom and gloom. As they say if you hear something often enough, you soon start to believe it is true. This is what is happening now. The media keeps telling we are heading towards a recession and like a self-fulfilling prophesy we now are.
If only people would stop listening to the noise and continue to live as normal. Yeah pull in the financial belt a bit and be more sensible with your money (even in optimistic times this is a wise move) but a full clamp down will only exacerbate the situation. This of course is more true for businesses than the man on the street. The world revolves on money - put simply businesses need to make money in order to maintain their staff levels; invest money and of course prop up the banks with financial trading. When the spend stops; companies fold, people lose their jobs and the domino effect happens.
The morale of the story: Well, live a financially responsible life but don't let the economic winter rule your life. Summer will roll around again soon enough, once the markets have stabilised. It may be a bit of a rough ride for now but think about it this way, what it is doing is making us all think about the way we spend our money - this cannot be a bad thing.
Now if only we could be guaranteed of a proper summer in the UK next year, with warm weather and sunshine - it might actually make me reconsider moving from this country but unlike the financial market where we will eventually see summer again; it does seem improbable.
Wednesday, 10 September 2008
Big Bang Experiment
I must admit I am slightly disappointed, no make that very disappointed. The media has been abuzz with speculation about the "Big Bang" experiment in Switzerland - it could spell the end of the earth, or at least Switzerland.
Visions of all those chocolate box houses and cows flying through the air flooded my mind as I envisioned our dear Swiss friends being sucked into a man-induced black hole and what happened...nothing. Not even a slight earth tremor.
Granted it would have been quite unpleasant to have a big nothingness parking off in the middle of Europe where Switzerland used to be and I would be upset not to eat Swiss chocolate again, but hey if you are going to spend £5bn on a mega project at least make sure it produces something that the rest of the world can enjoy - after all there is nothing entertaining on TV these days.
But no all those little boffins are dancing around shouting success because they managed to send a proton beam around a tunnel hidden 100m beneath the earth's surface. Really cool dudes, but honestly does the result really justify the cost?
What difference would it make if we understood the Big Bang theory or at least have a definitive answer to the question - what is mass?
It certainly wouldn't put food on the plate of starving children, patch up the hole in the ozone layer or create a cure for cancer. Personally I think the money would be better spent on things that matter today. I am not claiming to be the biggest tree hugger out there, it does annoy me though when I see conglomerates that could make a difference wasting millions on proving inconsequential theories.
Even if they do succeed, what does it actually mean for us lowly plebs? Science textbooks will get updated but life will carry on as normal, none of the important issues facing the world will be resolved. My worse fear is that this experiment might give scientists ideas on how to create new types bombs or weapons. After all, that is what happened when some genius discovered how to split an atom. So I ask yet again, is the cost of this experiment justifiable?
Visions of all those chocolate box houses and cows flying through the air flooded my mind as I envisioned our dear Swiss friends being sucked into a man-induced black hole and what happened...nothing. Not even a slight earth tremor.
Granted it would have been quite unpleasant to have a big nothingness parking off in the middle of Europe where Switzerland used to be and I would be upset not to eat Swiss chocolate again, but hey if you are going to spend £5bn on a mega project at least make sure it produces something that the rest of the world can enjoy - after all there is nothing entertaining on TV these days.
But no all those little boffins are dancing around shouting success because they managed to send a proton beam around a tunnel hidden 100m beneath the earth's surface. Really cool dudes, but honestly does the result really justify the cost?
What difference would it make if we understood the Big Bang theory or at least have a definitive answer to the question - what is mass?
It certainly wouldn't put food on the plate of starving children, patch up the hole in the ozone layer or create a cure for cancer. Personally I think the money would be better spent on things that matter today. I am not claiming to be the biggest tree hugger out there, it does annoy me though when I see conglomerates that could make a difference wasting millions on proving inconsequential theories.
Even if they do succeed, what does it actually mean for us lowly plebs? Science textbooks will get updated but life will carry on as normal, none of the important issues facing the world will be resolved. My worse fear is that this experiment might give scientists ideas on how to create new types bombs or weapons. After all, that is what happened when some genius discovered how to split an atom. So I ask yet again, is the cost of this experiment justifiable?
Friday, 29 August 2008
Following the sun
Hi Folks,
Sorry I’ve been MIA – missing in action to those of you that don’t watch war movies, but I escaped from gloomy old London for a while to bask in the sunshine that smiles over mainland Europe at this time of year. Yup as in summer time, something this miserable little island doesn’t seem to do.
My apologies for whining, but I think that the UK and Ireland have a competition each year to see who can have the wettest, coldest and greyest summer. My only thought is what the hell the prize could be?
I haven’t seen sun for so many years that when I looked in the mirror I actually thought I had caught some strange disease but slowly it dawned on me, “Oh yeah, so this is what I look like with a tan”.
The holiday was absolutely brilliant, my Mom flew over from South Africa and we took a coach trip across Europe. Admittedly it isn’t my first choice when travelling and I was sceptical at first, but it does eliminate the hassle of planning. (Something I have never been very good at.)
I will blog soon about the mini adventures we had; how I fell head over hills in love with Italy; had to be coaxed out of the Sistine Chapel by my mom as I stood mesmerised by the genius of Michelangelo; how I met an Eskimo and some cringingly genuine Afrikaners who made me realise why I left South Africa – and of course write about the beauty that is Europe and her people, but it will take time to round up all my thoughts and remember what happened in which country.
For now I am treasuring my memories of a fantastic trip, made better by sharing it with my mom. The truth is I have realised that I don’t want to live in this cold, dull place anymore. I want the sun to wrap its warm arms around me and for my form to cast a shadow when I walk down the street. I want to feel energised by the heat and then be lulled into a contented calm by the sun sinking beyond the sparkling blue water of the sea – assisted of course by an ice cold chardonnay.
So instead of yearning for this fantasy I have decided that it is time to move on yet again. I have my writing obligations but they are possible to fulfil from any geographical location and I am also considering doing a TEFL course to supplement my income. Oh yeah, it is official I am totally out of IT – yippee!
My current consternation is where to live. Italy keeps popping up in my mind, preferably the Riviera. It could be one hell of an adventure after all I don’t speak the language and for some unknown reason every time I try, German slips out of my mouth. I know very little about the country except for Milan being a shoe-aholic heaven and the bureaucracy is very confusing.
This time though I am not going to just toy with the idea of moving – I can hear my friends laughing at me singing an old familiar song. I am determined to get out of Dodge so I have set myself a goal. This time next year I will have settled into a warmer life; sipping a chardonnay while watching the sun set over the ocean – preferably with a tall, dark handsome man. I will chuckle quietly to myself as I think of my poor friends back in the UK cursing yet another dull, drizzly day and thank my lucky stars for being able to live in a such beautiful place.
Sorry I’ve been MIA – missing in action to those of you that don’t watch war movies, but I escaped from gloomy old London for a while to bask in the sunshine that smiles over mainland Europe at this time of year. Yup as in summer time, something this miserable little island doesn’t seem to do.
My apologies for whining, but I think that the UK and Ireland have a competition each year to see who can have the wettest, coldest and greyest summer. My only thought is what the hell the prize could be?
I haven’t seen sun for so many years that when I looked in the mirror I actually thought I had caught some strange disease but slowly it dawned on me, “Oh yeah, so this is what I look like with a tan”.
The holiday was absolutely brilliant, my Mom flew over from South Africa and we took a coach trip across Europe. Admittedly it isn’t my first choice when travelling and I was sceptical at first, but it does eliminate the hassle of planning. (Something I have never been very good at.)
I will blog soon about the mini adventures we had; how I fell head over hills in love with Italy; had to be coaxed out of the Sistine Chapel by my mom as I stood mesmerised by the genius of Michelangelo; how I met an Eskimo and some cringingly genuine Afrikaners who made me realise why I left South Africa – and of course write about the beauty that is Europe and her people, but it will take time to round up all my thoughts and remember what happened in which country.
For now I am treasuring my memories of a fantastic trip, made better by sharing it with my mom. The truth is I have realised that I don’t want to live in this cold, dull place anymore. I want the sun to wrap its warm arms around me and for my form to cast a shadow when I walk down the street. I want to feel energised by the heat and then be lulled into a contented calm by the sun sinking beyond the sparkling blue water of the sea – assisted of course by an ice cold chardonnay.
So instead of yearning for this fantasy I have decided that it is time to move on yet again. I have my writing obligations but they are possible to fulfil from any geographical location and I am also considering doing a TEFL course to supplement my income. Oh yeah, it is official I am totally out of IT – yippee!
My current consternation is where to live. Italy keeps popping up in my mind, preferably the Riviera. It could be one hell of an adventure after all I don’t speak the language and for some unknown reason every time I try, German slips out of my mouth. I know very little about the country except for Milan being a shoe-aholic heaven and the bureaucracy is very confusing.
This time though I am not going to just toy with the idea of moving – I can hear my friends laughing at me singing an old familiar song. I am determined to get out of Dodge so I have set myself a goal. This time next year I will have settled into a warmer life; sipping a chardonnay while watching the sun set over the ocean – preferably with a tall, dark handsome man. I will chuckle quietly to myself as I think of my poor friends back in the UK cursing yet another dull, drizzly day and thank my lucky stars for being able to live in a such beautiful place.
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